Body is still in the picture. He is so charming when he isn't getting any. Lol. Lately its been good the phone conversations and random cute text messages. Makes me almost forget why we broke up. But then when I'm not talking to him I remember and I dwell on it. Not really dwell but I think about it and something in my gut tells me that there is something wrong. I start asking questions like: why did he take so long to tell me something so basic? Why did he think I was going to get mad about his explanation?
I know I could come off as hard sometimes especially when I am questioning anyone about anything. But at the same time I will listen to what you have to say before jumping to my final conclusions. Anyway he keeps wanting to take me out and wanting to hang out but I keep saying NO. Not because I don't want to.. (Trust me I realllllllly really want to) but because of this gut feeling that I can't shake.
This girl I know that just went through a similar situation (actually its not at all similar she was looking for something - she went through her mans phone and found it) and found some ish that essentially proved he was cheating (pictures, convos - the usual I would think when you go through someones phone). She took him back though and after the make up period was done he quickly went back to his old ways. And to make it worst this time he got another chick pregnant with twins. Womp. Womp. Suffice to say they are done now. But she could have avoided the heartbreak if she stuck to her initial gut feeling.
I think that is my ultimate fear to forgive and then get played even worst. I miss him. I want to let him wine and dine me especially with my birthday coming up I think I deserve to feel special for at least that day.
Here is my dilemma though. There is another dude I've been stringing along entertaining its been strictly text message though which is kind of annoying (apparently he does not like talking on the phone -- I really find that weird) but my point is he has potential - tall dark handsome athletic and educated. I've been declining coming up with excuses not to go out with him. Based on his texts I know he is looking for something serious. But I also know I'm not the only one he is texting but he is looking to settle down. To be honest right now I'm not interested in something serious. So I should just let him go right?
At the same time right now I'm going through a little dry spell. I know I could hold out more it has been less than a month but still sex on the regular keeps me sane. I was thinking of letting Body get another taste (I know him, I know ill have fun, I know it will be good) but I know myself and I know with him I would not be able to have emotionless sex with him. Whereas with new dude I know if I let him take me out and things go well I could do that but I don't want him to get attached. Problem is I know he is not on the same page as me so it would be kind of fucked up right? Plus I have already been through that friends - with - benefits - gone - wrong thing and dude turned into a stalker (another story for another time) and I am really not trying to go through that again.
#DecisionsDecisions
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