Finding the Blogger in me

I am not keeping up with this blog as much as I originally intended to. I am not a writer or anything but I thought I could do at least 15 - 20 post a month ideally one every other day. But I do think about post for this blog quite often I just don't have time to write them out. For example:

-"Shit (fill in the blank) say" craze going on the internet write now is getting almost as bad as #thatawkwardmomentwhen hash tag of 2011. First off half of them are not funny then I don't even know if it is true so what is the point. 

-My Birthday just passed *YAY* I am now 23. I feel kind of old. I really didn't do anything special this year. I've made a big deal about it every year since I was 18 but after the disaster on my 21st birthday and last years flop I decided to keep it low key. Next time I do it big will be at my quarter century.

-The way people treat their pets and people. Last week I was stopped in the street by one of the SPCA people to give a donation. Of course I brush them off (I really don't care for animals -- not that I want them to be mistreated or anything but I rather give my money to Cancer research or Aids research or to sick kids in africa -- honestly anything but animals). People always question me about it and I guess my answer doesn't suffice them so we always get into the debate of why Michael Vick got almost 2 years in jail for dog fighting and basically punished more by the NFL once he was released and another NFL player (for the life of me I cannot remember his name right now -- #tootired) raped a women and got 4 months suspension and that was it --- not even jail time.

-Church people #enoughsaid. The way they act is something else. I respect everyone's beliefs and I did not grow up in the church but used to go EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY for a good 3 years. I stopped though the hypocrisy surrounding it and the people turned me off it.

-Of course I would want to write a few post on me, Body, and the new dude in my What to do post -- lets name him TrackStar.

-Also I want to maybe get more people to read my page (not that I want this blog to be something of extreme substance but I think it would be fun to get different views on some of my post --- side note: Shoutout to the only person who I think reads my post from time to time LakiSwirl) so I need to find some good blogs to follow and comment on. I also want to start adding pictures to my blog. And maybe start a feature like a weekly column just to give it more content -- but still something kind of superficial and light.


Anyway I'm sure I won't do all of these post but it is what is on my mind right now. First I need to find make the time to start blogging more often. 

#thatsall

Tagged

I know this is kind of late but I've been tagged by LakiSwirl of Rants of an Unknown Chick and because I am late  I will be modifying the post. Normally the rules are as follows but I'll be answering the ones in bold :

1. You must post 11 random facts about yourself.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
3. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.

You must post 11 random facts about yourself:

- I love to cook breakfast.

- I am a Capricorn.

- My work experience has led me to firmly believe that the customer is always right wrong.

- I've been #teamblackberry since 2007 way before the hype.

- I'm 5 foot 5 inches tall (or short however you look at it).

- I'm addicted to Angry Birds right now.

- My favorite color is green.

- Overly religious people who try to push their beliefs on everyone annoy me to no end (I have to write a post on this).

- I hate long distance driving.
- I love Dance hall music.
- My dream car is the Range Rover.


Do you follow any superstitions?

-Lol some preschool superstitions like step on a crack and you break your momma's back. - To this day I avoid stepping on cracks even though that saying is a bit childish.

Are you single or attached?  How do you feel about your current situation?

-My mind is single but my heart is attached. Its complicated. I'm okay with it right now I know I deserve better than what I have so I need to start looking for it.  Slowly but surely. (Secretly hoping he will change but its been 5 years)

If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be?

-I don't really rate celebrities so it would be someone like Rosa Parks.  To find out what she thinks about the progress black people are making today.

What five words would OTHER PEOPLE describe you as?

-Bossy, Rude, Determined, Kind, Naïve :s

Cats or dogs?

-Neither. As a child I was deathly allergic to cats and I have been chased by 1 too many dogs in my lifetime to even want one of them.

Weave or natural?

-Both. I am lucky enough to have one of my sisters who went to hair dressing school so I get to change my hairstyle every 2-4 weeks depending on how I feel with out killing my pockets. Right now I have Patra inspired-Janet Jackson Poetic Justice inspired box braids. If I had to guess I'd say 60% weave, 30% natural, 10% other (box braids, wigs)

What's the scariest thing you've ever done?

-I don't really do anything scary.. In everything I do I take calculated risks so it doesn't really scare me.

-The scariest thing to ever happen to me though or that I was indirectly involved in was a School shooting. In September 2006 a lone gunman came into my cegep's (college) main quad and started shooting up the place and then was killed by police. One person died and my friend was hit with ricocheted bullets. Luckily I was fine physically but it took me a while to get over the shock.

Who are you closest to?

-My family in general but I would say my youngest sister. We could be twins if we weren't 2 years apart.

What's one of the most embarrassing things you've done?

-I pissed my pants the first time I went to La Ronde (an amusement park.. Like Six flags). *bbm can't look face* in my defense though I was drinking water all day and we waited in line to get on the Monster (a roller coaster) for two hours and then when we finally got on it we got stuck at the top right before it was about to drop for another 2 hours before they got us down and closed that ride for the day.  I tried my hardest but I just couldn't hold it.

What advice were you given that you wish you would have listened to?

-When someone shows you who they really are believe them.  Lol. Would have saved me at least 3 years (refer to question 2)

If money were no object, what would be the first thing you'd do?

-I would travel the world. Do the back packing in Europe thing, Safari in Africa, visit Dubai and some of the more affluent countries in the middle east.

#thatsall

What to do...

Body is still in the picture. He is so charming when he isn't getting any. Lol. Lately its been good the phone conversations and random cute text messages. Makes me almost forget why we broke up. But then when I'm not talking to him I remember and I dwell on it. Not really dwell but I think about it and something in my gut tells me that there is something wrong. I start asking questions like: why did he take so long to tell me something so basic? Why did he think I was going to get mad about his explanation? 

I know I could come off as hard sometimes especially when I am questioning anyone about anything. But at the same time I will listen to what you have to say before jumping to my final conclusions. Anyway he keeps wanting to take me out and wanting to hang out but I keep saying NO. Not because I don't want to.. (Trust me I realllllllly really want to) but because of this gut feeling that I can't shake.

This girl I know that just went through a similar situation (actually its not at all similar she was looking for something - she went through her mans phone and found it) and found some ish that essentially proved he was cheating (pictures, convos - the usual I would think when you go through someones phone). She took him back though and after the make up period was done he quickly went back to his old ways. And to make it worst this time he got another chick pregnant with twins.  Womp. Womp. Suffice to say they are done now. But she could have avoided the heartbreak if she stuck to her initial gut feeling.

I think that is my ultimate fear to forgive and then get played even worst.  I miss him. I want to let him wine and dine me especially with my birthday coming up I think I deserve to feel special for at least that day.

Here is my dilemma though. There is another dude I've been stringing along entertaining its been strictly text message though which is kind of annoying (apparently he does not like talking on the phone -- I really find that weird) but my point is he has potential - tall dark handsome athletic and educated. I've been declining coming up with excuses not to go out with him. Based on his texts I know he is looking for something serious.  But I also know I'm not the only one he is texting but he is looking to settle down. To be honest right now I'm not interested in something serious. So I should just let him go right?

At the same time right now I'm going through a little dry spell. I know I could hold out more it has been less than a month but still sex on the regular keeps me sane. I was thinking of letting Body get another taste (I know him, I know ill have fun, I know it will be good) but I know myself and I know with him I would not be able to have emotionless sex with him. Whereas with new dude I know if I let him take me out and things go well I could do that but I don't want him to get attached. Problem is I know he is not on the same page as me so it would be kind of fucked up right? Plus I have already been through that friends - with - benefits - gone - wrong thing and dude turned into a stalker (another story for another time) and I am really not trying to go through that again.

#DecisionsDecisions 

Friends? Pt. 2

A few year after high school things started to derail. In the beginning it was fine I started dating Body and one of my girl best friend (from hear on out referred to as Bestie) started dating one of Body's cousins and the other girl best friend (from hear on out referred to as Girly) had already been dating another one of Body's cousins on and off for 5 years who is one of the dudes I considered to be my BFF (actually he is the one who introduced me and Body -- more like set us up but that's another story for another time and from hear on out referred to as Buddy). There were a lot of triple dates and group hangs. Essentially I was always with 3 of my 4 best friends. Suffice to say that summer was epic then things stop. Then each couple started to have their own problems and then individually people started to have issues too.


Body started to have problem with me and Buddy being so close because he didn't want his family to know our business and if they did he wanted to be the one to tell them. Meh - I could understand that but being who I am I didn't cut off Buddy. Just the things we talked about was less Body related. It was hard to completely omit him from our convos.  Then one night after yet another party Body and I got into a little argument so I let Buddy drive me home. During the car ride someone was ringing down Buddy phone and I turned mine off. We talked he dropped me home and I went to bed. The next afternoon I turn on my phone I have a couple of voicemails and a long A$$ text message from Buddy basically saying that Body thought we hooked up.  --- Say What? --- I didn't even take it serious until I spoke to Body. I guess everyone was looking for us and we were nowhere to be found and we weren't answering our phones. Meh - I could understand how a basic mind would jump to that conclusion but I thought people or at least Body and Girly at this point knew us better than that. We never hid our friendship and in all honesty I could have never hooked up with Buddy partly because physically I was not attracted to him, partly because he was Girly's boo aka my other BFF. Anyway with time the jealously just got worst by mainly Girly but Body as well so to keep them happy we kept our distance and now 5 years later we just don't talk unless we see each other randomly then it is like old times - we simply grew apart.


Girly and I became friend by essentially being involved in the same things.  We were both heavily involved in sports and a friendship was born. Me already being good friends with her then boyfriend I think it was natural for her to get close to assess if there was any threat lol. I really liked her as a person that's why I never cut her off for tryna be sneaky and FAQ-ing my friendship with Buddy. During the whole Buddy situation I never heard a word from her. She chose to believe what was in her head. She was never women enough to even ask me. She started facebooking and saying some really horrible things about me. Exposing things I told her in confidence and basically acting childish. Anyway I had to confront her to nip that shit in the bud. Turns out in her twisted mind it was her way of dealing. She was insecure as fuck. Before then I never seen that side of her and we had been friends for a good 3-4 years. Anyway after this it was clear we weren't as good of friends as I thought. I could not cut her off so I made an effort to try make plans with her but she'd always cancel or something would come up. She was not my man I didn't need to be chasing her so eventually we grew apart.  But when her and Buddy were on a break she would make a guest appearence in my life so we were still friends on a superficial level until her and Buddy got back together. Then when they finally called a quits for good she really tried to make things better. I entertained her of course and finally told her it would never be like it was. So our friendship to this day continues on a superficial level.


Bestie and my fall out happened a bit differently. She was my go to person when I was having issues with Body. She knew A to Z what was going on with us from the beginning. She was always quick to give advice I would listen but not necessarily take it. Anyway after a while she started to turn on Body, asking me why I was with him and telling me I should leave him etcetera. When she saw him she would no longer say hi. It was just kind of weird cause she knew Body longer then me and they were friends or so I thought. Anyway fast forward several months I kept hearing this annoying noise on my computer and I couldn't place it (I always have so many windows and applications open on my laptop even if I'm not using it). Anyway I started to close the windows/tabs one by one until I found the one where the noise was coming from. It was Body Facebook Chat.. He forgot to log out and a few people were trying to talk to him one of them being Bestie. Normally I would have just logged out but it peaked my curiousity like why is Bestie talking to him when she makes it a point to act like she doesn't like him in public. Pretty shady no? I thought so. So I open the chat.


Hello!!! :)
What's up?
What's going on?
Why would you talk to me?
Is this about what I said?


All the messages from her about 10 mins apart. I remember sitting there for almost half an hour contemplating whether I should answer and pretend I was him. I ultimately decided not to do that it was not worth it. But I did check his messages.   There were several messages from her from even before she started acting like she didn't like him.  TALKING pure SHIT. Telling him things I told her about him and basically telling him that he should leave me. Playing both sides. The most recent conversation wasn't that old and it basically said she didn't talk to him in public because she knows how jealous I could get. -___-  and in the same breath saying she knows she could do him better.  Anyway I didn't even bother to confront her I just cut her off without saying a word. As a friend I knew she was going through some serious shit in her life at that time and for me it was better to just cut her off than to confront her on some irrelevant ish. Body was not entertaining her that's all that mattered to me.


The other best friend that was a guy is so irrelevant that I'm not even going to name him. In short he started dating my sister, slowly started treating her like shit. She could not let go of his sorry A$$ and it got to the point where she was disturbing everyone's life in our household by crying every single day and night for about 5 months straight.  She was skipping work and ish. It just got ridiculous. I think it was inevitable that I would have stop being friends with him after they started dating. How can I stay friends with someone who has no respect for my family? Regardless of that he changed anyway, started trying to be a "G" got involved with some fucked up people. Owed the wrong people money and apparently had a death threat on his life.


All in all by the time I was 21 I was over all of this. I tried to rebuild my relationships with all these people except the last dude I just spoke about but is was too late we had already grown too far apart. In general I met new people but they all ended up letting me down (or proving me right which ever way you want to look at it). So maybe I lied in my last post I do use the term "friend" lightly but at the end of the day I expect them to do me wrong. 


#thatsall

Friends? Pt. 1

I try not to use that term very lightly because I really don't consider anybody I associate with to be a friend. Most of my friendships are very superficial meaning maybe we will go out to a club, talk about school and the weather and random things in popular media. Maybe we will talk about each others relationships but only about the good things and gossip about what's going on with different people in the city -- like who is pregnant now (lol it is a real epidemic right now I swear there is a baby boom in Montreal). It really depends on who you are to be honest and where you fall on my list of "friends". Maybe that sounds kind of fucked up I don't know but at the end of the day all I have is my family I could careless for friends.

Growing up especially going to school I was involved in a lot of extra curriculars and knew a lot of people. I honestly and truely consider nearly everyone to be my friend. Not necessarily my good friend but I built different levels of friendship most of them leaving me vulnerable in one way or another. At times I did feel uneasy but at the same time I was very naïve and never even considered that people have their own motives and reasons to be talking to me. Or that they would maliciously use things I told them in confidence to their own advantage. Anyway when I graduated high school I had 4 people I considered to be my Best friends - 2 girls and 2 dudes. I was loyalty to a fault when it came to them. I would have done anything for them under the assumption that they would do the same. They knew the intimate details of my life and I thought I knew the same about them.

#tobecontinued

Why I need to get out of Montreal

I was looking at my last post and realized I was being quite harsh when I said my city is waste. Don't get me wrong I love my city it is so vibrant in the summer, the nightlife can compete with any major city, there are so many types of restaurants and always something to do it is hard to get bored. But I sincerely hate the people in it and I say that as nicely as possible.

There are 2 things about the people here that I know that nobody who lives here can disagree with. The first thing is about the stuck up French people who only care about separating from Canada and that continuously fail in their efforts to make French is the ONLY official language. They look down on people who don't speak french but don't bother to learn english themselves. Let's be honest outside of Quebec probably only 10% of the rest of Canada's population speak the language (with the exception of New Brunswick). English is the universal language of the world; it should be mandatory to learn to speak it. At the same time I believe that if you decide to live here you should learn to speak French but this is a bilingual province meaning if I walk into a store and start asking questions in English you best respond to me in english.. Or at least attempt. I am not malicious if I see that you are struggling to speak English I will start talking to you in French and vice versa.

The next thing that irks me about Montreal is the Black community. I swear that 80% of us (excluding myself when I say us-- by us I mean black people) play into the stereotypes of what these white people expect from black people like that video and such as not having a general high school degree, being teenage parents, having no goals, being criminals, destroying public property, just having no behaviour etc. Furthermore there are not many educated black people left in this city most have migrated to Toronto or the United States. I am sure its because of how we are treated when we go into the job market. This province can be Racist as fuck when it comes to relevant things like getting a job or starting a business. Its like our degrees are not equivalent to our white peers -- anyway that is a whole other issue and post in itself. I am not trying to come off as stuck up or anything but it is a real epidemic in this city. The number of black people doing something productive with their life in this city is quite minimal and nobody seems to care as long as every weekend they can go to the club and pop a bottle of grey goose or some other over priced liquor that they worked greater than 15 hours that week just to purchase. They think they are doing big things because they are working more than one job. My question to these people on a regular basis is: If you can make the same kind of money at one job would you bother working at that second job? I've never gotten a clear answer they are just so proud they are killing themselves working 70+ hours a week, partying all weekend and then doing the same thing again the next week and probably because the answer is No.

Anyway I'm done. I'm sure I am going to end up in Toronto after I graduate if I stay in Canada. I would love to live and work in New York City. I am in love with that city.

#thatsall

Montreal aka Real City *rolls eyes*

When I say my city is waste this is what I am talking about. Honestly this shit happens on a regular basis. I swear people just don't know how to act black, white, asian... Whatever.

#tobecontinued

Holiday Season

So I have been missing in action for a bit but its hard to stop and write about life when you are out living it. So here is an update:

-Things between Body and I are okay. I slipped up the day after Christmas and went by his place after a party. We did the nasty and he seems to think everything is all good now. BUT it isn't. We talk every 2 to 3 days but it is always about something that is rudimentary. 

-Christmas day was great. It was peaceful and quiet I spent it with my family. Helped cook Christmas dinner for the first time ever. I got quite a bit of gifts too this year which I really wasn't expecting but thankful for. I bought myself a television and had Body come and hang it on the wall for me a couple days back.

-New Years Eve was really fun. Went out with a couple (on my third wheel shit a lot lately -- I have come to realise that I don't know ANY truly single people -- everyone I know has a man or woman or a side ting) to a hotel party. It wasn't too bad because at the party I met a lot of people and it felt more like a group hang and not like I was intruding on their date. Anyway what really pissed me off is that me missed the countdown. Every year since I've been legal I go to a hotel party and we miss the countdown. I don't understand why its so hard to follow it. If you plan to host an NYE party why don't you have a watch, an alarm or something to remind you to start the countdown. Or even turn on the darn tv to Dick Clark Rocking NYE (or is it Ryan Secrest now), put it on mute and follow that. Anyway mini rant but yeah we missed the countdown. Honestly I don't like to tell people how to host their party... I think next year I'm going to have to host my own and do it right for a change. After midnight we headed to a club. It was a blessed night. I ran into some of my old friends that I haven't seen or spoken to in months. We partied it up all night.

-Otherwise since my last post I've been trying to relax seeing as I start class this week. Back to the madness and studying.

#thatsall