You know that moment when you are afraid to get close to someone because you are afraid that ultimately they will be the ones to hurt you. And then they assure you that they will never hurt you intentionally and "promise" to be there for you through thick and thin. Then you let your guard down and everything seems to go well until you need that person and they are not there like they "promised".
Yeah well that "promise" was tested between me and Body quite often since the beginning of the year mostly by him. I was there. But when it came time for him to be there for me he was not. I can't even begin to put it into words what happen, in all honesty I have been trying to write this post for a while but could not find the words. I still cannot find the words, all that I know is that I cannot believe how wrong I was about him.
I feel like just two weeks ago I was on cloud 9 and now I am free falling to my death.
In the words of my father "A promise is a comfort to a fool..." (way before Sean Paul ever said it). I should have know better.
#thatsall
Showing posts with label Body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Body. Show all posts
March 22, 2012
January 15, 2012
What to do...
Body is still in the picture. He is so charming when he isn't getting any. Lol. Lately its been good the phone conversations and random cute text messages. Makes me almost forget why we broke up. But then when I'm not talking to him I remember and I dwell on it. Not really dwell but I think about it and something in my gut tells me that there is something wrong. I start asking questions like: why did he take so long to tell me something so basic? Why did he think I was going to get mad about his explanation?
I think that is my ultimate fear to forgive and then get played even worst. I miss him. I want to let him wine and dine me especially with my birthday coming up I think I deserve to feel special for at least that day.
#DecisionsDecisions
January 12, 2012
Friends? Pt. 2
A few year after high school things started to derail. In the beginning it was fine I started dating Body and one of my girl best friend (from hear on out referred to as Bestie) started dating one of Body's cousins and the other girl best friend (from hear on out referred to as Girly) had already been dating another one of Body's cousins on and off for 5 years who is one of the dudes I considered to be my BFF (actually he is the one who introduced me and Body -- more like set us up but that's another story for another time and from hear on out referred to as Buddy). There were a lot of triple dates and group hangs. Essentially I was always with 3 of my 4 best friends. Suffice to say that summer was epic then things stop. Then each couple started to have their own problems and then individually people started to have issues too.
Body started to have problem with me and Buddy being so close because he didn't want his family to know our business and if they did he wanted to be the one to tell them. Meh - I could understand that but being who I am I didn't cut off Buddy. Just the things we talked about was less Body related. It was hard to completely omit him from our convos. Then one night after yet another party Body and I got into a little argument so I let Buddy drive me home. During the car ride someone was ringing down Buddy phone and I turned mine off. We talked he dropped me home and I went to bed. The next afternoon I turn on my phone I have a couple of voicemails and a long A$$ text message from Buddy basically saying that Body thought we hooked up. --- Say What? --- I didn't even take it serious until I spoke to Body. I guess everyone was looking for us and we were nowhere to be found and we weren't answering our phones. Meh - I could understand how a basic mind would jump to that conclusion but I thought people or at least Body and Girly at this point knew us better than that. We never hid our friendship and in all honesty I could have never hooked up with Buddy partly because physically I was not attracted to him, partly because he was Girly's boo aka my other BFF. Anyway with time the jealously just got worst by mainly Girly but Body as well so to keep them happy we kept our distance and now 5 years later we just don't talk unless we see each other randomly then it is like old times - we simply grew apart.
Girly and I became friend by essentially being involved in the same things. We were both heavily involved in sports and a friendship was born. Me already being good friends with her then boyfriend I think it was natural for her to get close to assess if there was any threat lol. I really liked her as a person that's why I never cut her off for tryna be sneaky and FAQ-ing my friendship with Buddy. During the whole Buddy situation I never heard a word from her. She chose to believe what was in her head. She was never women enough to even ask me. She started facebooking and saying some really horrible things about me. Exposing things I told her in confidence and basically acting childish. Anyway I had to confront her to nip that shit in the bud. Turns out in her twisted mind it was her way of dealing. She was insecure as fuck. Before then I never seen that side of her and we had been friends for a good 3-4 years. Anyway after this it was clear we weren't as good of friends as I thought. I could not cut her off so I made an effort to try make plans with her but she'd always cancel or something would come up. She was not my man I didn't need to be chasing her so eventually we grew apart. But when her and Buddy were on a break she would make a guest appearence in my life so we were still friends on a superficial level until her and Buddy got back together. Then when they finally called a quits for good she really tried to make things better. I entertained her of course and finally told her it would never be like it was. So our friendship to this day continues on a superficial level.
Bestie and my fall out happened a bit differently. She was my go to person when I was having issues with Body. She knew A to Z what was going on with us from the beginning. She was always quick to give advice I would listen but not necessarily take it. Anyway after a while she started to turn on Body, asking me why I was with him and telling me I should leave him etcetera. When she saw him she would no longer say hi. It was just kind of weird cause she knew Body longer then me and they were friends or so I thought. Anyway fast forward several months I kept hearing this annoying noise on my computer and I couldn't place it (I always have so many windows and applications open on my laptop even if I'm not using it). Anyway I started to close the windows/tabs one by one until I found the one where the noise was coming from. It was Body Facebook Chat.. He forgot to log out and a few people were trying to talk to him one of them being Bestie. Normally I would have just logged out but it peaked my curiousity like why is Bestie talking to him when she makes it a point to act like she doesn't like him in public. Pretty shady no? I thought so. So I open the chat.
Hello!!! :)
What's up?
What's going on?
Why would you talk to me?
Is this about what I said?
All the messages from her about 10 mins apart. I remember sitting there for almost half an hour contemplating whether I should answer and pretend I was him. I ultimately decided not to do that it was not worth it. But I did check his messages. There were several messages from her from even before she started acting like she didn't like him. TALKING pure SHIT. Telling him things I told her about him and basically telling him that he should leave me. Playing both sides. The most recent conversation wasn't that old and it basically said she didn't talk to him in public because she knows how jealous I could get. -___- and in the same breath saying she knows she could do him better. Anyway I didn't even bother to confront her I just cut her off without saying a word. As a friend I knew she was going through some serious shit in her life at that time and for me it was better to just cut her off than to confront her on some irrelevant ish. Body was not entertaining her that's all that mattered to me.
The other best friend that was a guy is so irrelevant that I'm not even going to name him. In short he started dating my sister, slowly started treating her like shit. She could not let go of his sorry A$$ and it got to the point where she was disturbing everyone's life in our household by crying every single day and night for about 5 months straight. She was skipping work and ish. It just got ridiculous. I think it was inevitable that I would have stop being friends with him after they started dating. How can I stay friends with someone who has no respect for my family? Regardless of that he changed anyway, started trying to be a "G" got involved with some fucked up people. Owed the wrong people money and apparently had a death threat on his life.
All in all by the time I was 21 I was over all of this. I tried to rebuild my relationships with all these people except the last dude I just spoke about but is was too late we had already grown too far apart. In general I met new people but they all ended up letting me down (or proving me right which ever way you want to look at it). So maybe I lied in my last post I do use the term "friend" lightly but at the end of the day I expect them to do me wrong.
#thatsall
Body started to have problem with me and Buddy being so close because he didn't want his family to know our business and if they did he wanted to be the one to tell them. Meh - I could understand that but being who I am I didn't cut off Buddy. Just the things we talked about was less Body related. It was hard to completely omit him from our convos. Then one night after yet another party Body and I got into a little argument so I let Buddy drive me home. During the car ride someone was ringing down Buddy phone and I turned mine off. We talked he dropped me home and I went to bed. The next afternoon I turn on my phone I have a couple of voicemails and a long A$$ text message from Buddy basically saying that Body thought we hooked up. --- Say What? --- I didn't even take it serious until I spoke to Body. I guess everyone was looking for us and we were nowhere to be found and we weren't answering our phones. Meh - I could understand how a basic mind would jump to that conclusion but I thought people or at least Body and Girly at this point knew us better than that. We never hid our friendship and in all honesty I could have never hooked up with Buddy partly because physically I was not attracted to him, partly because he was Girly's boo aka my other BFF. Anyway with time the jealously just got worst by mainly Girly but Body as well so to keep them happy we kept our distance and now 5 years later we just don't talk unless we see each other randomly then it is like old times - we simply grew apart.
Girly and I became friend by essentially being involved in the same things. We were both heavily involved in sports and a friendship was born. Me already being good friends with her then boyfriend I think it was natural for her to get close to assess if there was any threat lol. I really liked her as a person that's why I never cut her off for tryna be sneaky and FAQ-ing my friendship with Buddy. During the whole Buddy situation I never heard a word from her. She chose to believe what was in her head. She was never women enough to even ask me. She started facebooking and saying some really horrible things about me. Exposing things I told her in confidence and basically acting childish. Anyway I had to confront her to nip that shit in the bud. Turns out in her twisted mind it was her way of dealing. She was insecure as fuck. Before then I never seen that side of her and we had been friends for a good 3-4 years. Anyway after this it was clear we weren't as good of friends as I thought. I could not cut her off so I made an effort to try make plans with her but she'd always cancel or something would come up. She was not my man I didn't need to be chasing her so eventually we grew apart. But when her and Buddy were on a break she would make a guest appearence in my life so we were still friends on a superficial level until her and Buddy got back together. Then when they finally called a quits for good she really tried to make things better. I entertained her of course and finally told her it would never be like it was. So our friendship to this day continues on a superficial level.
Bestie and my fall out happened a bit differently. She was my go to person when I was having issues with Body. She knew A to Z what was going on with us from the beginning. She was always quick to give advice I would listen but not necessarily take it. Anyway after a while she started to turn on Body, asking me why I was with him and telling me I should leave him etcetera. When she saw him she would no longer say hi. It was just kind of weird cause she knew Body longer then me and they were friends or so I thought. Anyway fast forward several months I kept hearing this annoying noise on my computer and I couldn't place it (I always have so many windows and applications open on my laptop even if I'm not using it). Anyway I started to close the windows/tabs one by one until I found the one where the noise was coming from. It was Body Facebook Chat.. He forgot to log out and a few people were trying to talk to him one of them being Bestie. Normally I would have just logged out but it peaked my curiousity like why is Bestie talking to him when she makes it a point to act like she doesn't like him in public. Pretty shady no? I thought so. So I open the chat.
Hello!!! :)
What's up?
What's going on?
Why would you talk to me?
Is this about what I said?
All the messages from her about 10 mins apart. I remember sitting there for almost half an hour contemplating whether I should answer and pretend I was him. I ultimately decided not to do that it was not worth it. But I did check his messages. There were several messages from her from even before she started acting like she didn't like him. TALKING pure SHIT. Telling him things I told her about him and basically telling him that he should leave me. Playing both sides. The most recent conversation wasn't that old and it basically said she didn't talk to him in public because she knows how jealous I could get. -___- and in the same breath saying she knows she could do him better. Anyway I didn't even bother to confront her I just cut her off without saying a word. As a friend I knew she was going through some serious shit in her life at that time and for me it was better to just cut her off than to confront her on some irrelevant ish. Body was not entertaining her that's all that mattered to me.
The other best friend that was a guy is so irrelevant that I'm not even going to name him. In short he started dating my sister, slowly started treating her like shit. She could not let go of his sorry A$$ and it got to the point where she was disturbing everyone's life in our household by crying every single day and night for about 5 months straight. She was skipping work and ish. It just got ridiculous. I think it was inevitable that I would have stop being friends with him after they started dating. How can I stay friends with someone who has no respect for my family? Regardless of that he changed anyway, started trying to be a "G" got involved with some fucked up people. Owed the wrong people money and apparently had a death threat on his life.
All in all by the time I was 21 I was over all of this. I tried to rebuild my relationships with all these people except the last dude I just spoke about but is was too late we had already grown too far apart. In general I met new people but they all ended up letting me down (or proving me right which ever way you want to look at it). So maybe I lied in my last post I do use the term "friend" lightly but at the end of the day I expect them to do me wrong.
#thatsall
January 01, 2012
Holiday Season
So I have been missing in action for a bit but its hard to stop and write about life when you are out living it. So here is an update:
-Things between Body and I are okay. I slipped up the day after Christmas and went by his place after a party. We did the nasty and he seems to think everything is all good now. BUT it isn't. We talk every 2 to 3 days but it is always about something that is rudimentary.
-Christmas day was great. It was peaceful and quiet I spent it with my family. Helped cook Christmas dinner for the first time ever. I got quite a bit of gifts too this year which I really wasn't expecting but thankful for. I bought myself a television and had Body come and hang it on the wall for me a couple days back.
-New Years Eve was really fun. Went out with a couple (on my third wheel shit a lot lately -- I have come to realise that I don't know ANY truly single people -- everyone I know has a man or woman or a side ting) to a hotel party. It wasn't too bad because at the party I met a lot of people and it felt more like a group hang and not like I was intruding on their date. Anyway what really pissed me off is that me missed the countdown. Every year since I've been legal I go to a hotel party and we miss the countdown. I don't understand why its so hard to follow it. If you plan to host an NYE party why don't you have a watch, an alarm or something to remind you to start the countdown. Or even turn on the darn tv to Dick Clark Rocking NYE (or is it Ryan Secrest now), put it on mute and follow that. Anyway mini rant but yeah we missed the countdown. Honestly I don't like to tell people how to host their party... I think next year I'm going to have to host my own and do it right for a change. After midnight we headed to a club. It was a blessed night. I ran into some of my old friends that I haven't seen or spoken to in months. We partied it up all night.
-Otherwise since my last post I've been trying to relax seeing as I start class this week. Back to the madness and studying.
-Things between Body and I are okay. I slipped up the day after Christmas and went by his place after a party. We did the nasty and he seems to think everything is all good now. BUT it isn't. We talk every 2 to 3 days but it is always about something that is rudimentary.
-Christmas day was great. It was peaceful and quiet I spent it with my family. Helped cook Christmas dinner for the first time ever. I got quite a bit of gifts too this year which I really wasn't expecting but thankful for. I bought myself a television and had Body come and hang it on the wall for me a couple days back.
-New Years Eve was really fun. Went out with a couple (on my third wheel shit a lot lately -- I have come to realise that I don't know ANY truly single people -- everyone I know has a man or woman or a side ting) to a hotel party. It wasn't too bad because at the party I met a lot of people and it felt more like a group hang and not like I was intruding on their date. Anyway what really pissed me off is that me missed the countdown. Every year since I've been legal I go to a hotel party and we miss the countdown. I don't understand why its so hard to follow it. If you plan to host an NYE party why don't you have a watch, an alarm or something to remind you to start the countdown. Or even turn on the darn tv to Dick Clark Rocking NYE (or is it Ryan Secrest now), put it on mute and follow that. Anyway mini rant but yeah we missed the countdown. Honestly I don't like to tell people how to host their party... I think next year I'm going to have to host my own and do it right for a change. After midnight we headed to a club. It was a blessed night. I ran into some of my old friends that I haven't seen or spoken to in months. We partied it up all night.
-Otherwise since my last post I've been trying to relax seeing as I start class this week. Back to the madness and studying.
#thatsall
December 24, 2011
Another Body Post
I am kind of depressed. Actually not really just feel like something is missing or should I say someone - Body. I went to this Christmas dinner yesterday and practically everyone there was boo'd up. It wasn't awkward -- the couples weren't all making out and being overly affectionate or anything -- but it was obvious that it was meant to be a couple's affair. Of course I ignored it and tried to be as social as possible --which isn't my personality. I really don't like to be the center of attention. I rather play a supporting role. Growing up I was a very shy kid -- WHY? -- Probably because I hate looking stupid and being laughed at so I would never talk about anything I don't know. Which meant if the topic of conversation is not something I am not familiar with then you wouldn't even know I was there -- I wouldn't join and ask questions; I would just sit in silence and observe everyone else. I've gotten better with time but at heart I am still the shy kid. If Body was at the party he would have been the center of attention. He can talk for days to any type of person about any subject. Its one of the things that amazes me about him. I guess we are polar opposites in that respect.
Speaking of Body for the last couple of days he has been up my a$$ constantly sending me texts. It felt kind of good because we talked about a whole bunch of stuff that we should have talked about over the last few months. At the same time I felt kind of annoyed because I still don't know whats going on -- or went on. I could assume I am right and that he was cheating but I rather not ASSUME. Besides I know Body probably better than he knows himself and I know he cannot hold a lie. Every single time I thought he was lying and finally excepted what he said as the truth he breaks down within the next week or two with some long drawn out confession as to why he lied. Thus far its only been about little stuff like himforgetting to purposely leaving out information on things he did, where he was going or what not. Now its different. Now it seems like he was actually living a "double" life and I am not going to accept what he is saying as truth. Plus I know it is a lie because he tried to get me to go over to his place by saying (let me quote this dude) --- "If you wanna know the truth come here and i'll tell you the truth" SMFH. Maybe I am being dramatic but I have never been in this kind of situation before -- I don't know how to deal.
He wants to spend New Years Eve together. I told him I would think about it but I know I don't want to be ringing in the New Years with a fraud (harsh much -- hmm I don'y think so). Anyway we will see but before I go I wanna wish everyone a Blessed and Merry Christmas.
#thatsall
Speaking of Body for the last couple of days he has been up my a$$ constantly sending me texts. It felt kind of good because we talked about a whole bunch of stuff that we should have talked about over the last few months. At the same time I felt kind of annoyed because I still don't know whats going on -- or went on. I could assume I am right and that he was cheating but I rather not ASSUME. Besides I know Body probably better than he knows himself and I know he cannot hold a lie. Every single time I thought he was lying and finally excepted what he said as the truth he breaks down within the next week or two with some long drawn out confession as to why he lied. Thus far its only been about little stuff like him
He wants to spend New Years Eve together. I told him I would think about it but I know I don't want to be ringing in the New Years with a fraud (harsh much -- hmm I don'y think so). Anyway we will see but before I go I wanna wish everyone a Blessed and Merry Christmas.
#thatsall
December 21, 2011
The End of Body?... Probably
So Body is annoying me already. It has only been two weeks since we have broken up. Normally I wouldn't even say that we had broken up this soon seeing as this has been on and off for almost 5 years now but what has happened is the ultimate deal breaker for me. Seeing as I honestly believe he is outright lying to me too it makes it worst.
Like I said in my last post about him over the years we both did some trifling things to each other. Original I decided to tell our whole story but I was thinking about that and it would take too many post. Anyway the beginning of the end of us started just before the summer of this year and again it happened at a club (honestly there is not much to do in this city but talk and party). It was one of my sister's birthdays and one of his boys birthday's so we didn't go to the party together not that we ever go to a club together anymore given there had been so much drama when we had (another story for another time). At this point we had been together for about 4 1/2 we had come to an understanding of how to act in parties. Basically he does NOT dance with anybody point final no discussion (nor do I). And before anyone starts assuming I'm insecure I want to say I'm not and this originally was his idea. In the past we used to do our own thing at parties when we did not go together. But it got to the point where it was beyond disrespectful. He used to really into Dance hall and grabbing chicks and daggering and all that junk and these fucking fast chicks would have nerve to be grabbing his dick and calling down his phone after the party as if they found love in the club. Just to say I'm no prude and I can differentiate between dancing and fucking and its one thing for a gal to push up on a dude in a club its another thing to the dude to let her man handle him and for him to reciprocate. Any who back to the point that night he reverted back to his old ways for no reason. He claims he was drunk but in the same breath he claims he doesn't drink. So I was just over it.. I can't even explain it. We have been so through much that this incident really shouldn't have been the end but I guess it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Anyway I flipped a gasket by going off on him and one of his groupies. All for her to say:
"Are you his girl.. Cause he doesn't even claim you.."
BUT WAIT.. I was stopped in my tracks.. I look at him and ask him 2 questions -- am I your girl? Do you claim me.?
Body replies: get out of my face-- you're acting like a fool.
Ah okay okay I see how it is I was thinking to myself. I left the club saw the groupie and apologized basically because everyone was already talking and truth be told I should have never said anything to her. In the whole time we were together I never even talk to any of his groupies because I have too much class for that ish. I was not in a relationship with any of those girls so normally they were irrelevant. But this one in particular irks my nerve to the fullest and there is a background story as to why. So remember Free who's best friend that had a fling with Body, yeah so that's the groupie I am talking about let's call her, Frenemy --- because I really don't have a name for her and that's all that comes to mind at this moment, and she is good friends with quite a few people in my family ironically.
Body claims that Frenemy is his best friend that is a girl. Okay. He says when he needs advice about us he goes to her. Okay. He claims nothing went on between them they are just friends. Okay.... So how is it that I find out through an argument we had that he actually tried to get with her before me and him even started dating and that he told her he loves her.
BUT WAIT..
I thought nothing ever happened. I thought they were just friends. Now to find out he loves the chick or loved the chick. WHATEVER.. Because of that she was always suspect to me. He was just as suspect to me too when it came to her. Anyway she moved away that is the only reason we survived but she comes back often and on a few occasions there were lies by omission involving her and him which made it even more suspect.
Anyway what was the point of all this again. *Scrolls up* So I apologized to her and didn't talk to Body for a good 2 - 3 months. It was hard to come to the realization that he didn't claim me. He didn't claim me. He didn't claim me. I spent weeks fixated on that which made me resent him. Not to brag or anything but I hold my own in the looks department (yes I said it - Suck my cockiness lick my persuasion) and my body is one to be envied thanks to the fact that I was highly involved in extracurriculars (track, basketball, soccer) through high school and college. Not to mention get many offers from very fuckable eligible bachelors wanting to get with me on a regular basis. Furthermore I already have a a college degree and I was soon to be done a university degree.. My future is set. Also I have a good paying job, I've got my own and don't rely on him to pay foreverything anything we were pretty balanced in that respect. Suffice to say I know I am a fucking catch and finding out that he wasn't did a number on my ego for a few weeks (and it's true he admitted it by saying he didn't want people in his business -___- ) and I really wanted nothing to do with him or with any guy for that matter.
Anyways I unintentionally went celibate for those months.. The longest I've been that dry since becoming sexually active (lol tmi I know). After a while we got to talking and somehow got back together again but I was not the same. Different vibe, much less communication, the sex was unbelievably amazing though so we ignored the rest.
All this to say the day that it all went downhill was two weeks ago. I slept over at his house. He works early in the morning so when I stay over he lets me sleep in and I would just leave when I feel like it. Anyway as I was collecting my stuff I accidentally knocked over my pill bottle off his dresser (and I hoped I can describe this vividly enough so ya'll understand). He has a 6 drawer dresser in his room and he never closes the drawers properly. It usually annoys me to no end because it really is not that hard to close you dresser drawers and be neat in general. So I was picking up the pills off the floor and I thought some may have fallen through a crack in a drawer -- honestly I learned my lesson a long time about snooping though his shit and would never do it again (another story for another time) I just needed to get the pills it wasn't prescription I could just go and refill --. So I opened the drawer to be sure there weren't anymore and I saw some chicks panty, washcloth and tank top, and tooth brush. Basically this nigga had the nerve to give a trick a drawer. Fact is when I confronted him he says it belongs to his cousin. -___________-
I could get into the confrontation but basically he contradicted himself and backed himself into a corner. So I don't know what happened or who it belongs to but I am fairly certain what he told me about it belonging to his cousin is a lie. And the way I feel now I am pretty sure we are done. But yesterday and today he is annoying me to no end. Every time something happens and he knows it is his fault he has this tendency to be all up under my A$$. Asking me to chill, trying to take me out and trying to buy me shit. Like fall back n***a and leave me alone and let me get over it or take a hint and move on. This time he should be doing the latter because until I get the real story from him about what I saw in his drawer I will forever be annoyed with him and we will be stuck in this limbo. And yesterday he actually had the nerve to tell me I am wasting his time... lol I think he is in denial.
#thatsall
Like I said in my last post about him over the years we both did some trifling things to each other. Original I decided to tell our whole story but I was thinking about that and it would take too many post. Anyway the beginning of the end of us started just before the summer of this year and again it happened at a club (honestly there is not much to do in this city but talk and party). It was one of my sister's birthdays and one of his boys birthday's so we didn't go to the party together not that we ever go to a club together anymore given there had been so much drama when we had (another story for another time). At this point we had been together for about 4 1/2 we had come to an understanding of how to act in parties. Basically he does NOT dance with anybody point final no discussion (nor do I). And before anyone starts assuming I'm insecure I want to say I'm not and this originally was his idea. In the past we used to do our own thing at parties when we did not go together. But it got to the point where it was beyond disrespectful. He used to really into Dance hall and grabbing chicks and daggering and all that junk and these fucking fast chicks would have nerve to be grabbing his dick and calling down his phone after the party as if they found love in the club. Just to say I'm no prude and I can differentiate between dancing and fucking and its one thing for a gal to push up on a dude in a club its another thing to the dude to let her man handle him and for him to reciprocate. Any who back to the point that night he reverted back to his old ways for no reason. He claims he was drunk but in the same breath he claims he doesn't drink. So I was just over it.. I can't even explain it. We have been so through much that this incident really shouldn't have been the end but I guess it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Anyway I flipped a gasket by going off on him and one of his groupies. All for her to say:
"Are you his girl.. Cause he doesn't even claim you.."
BUT WAIT.. I was stopped in my tracks.. I look at him and ask him 2 questions -- am I your girl? Do you claim me.?
Body replies: get out of my face-- you're acting like a fool.
Ah okay okay I see how it is I was thinking to myself. I left the club saw the groupie and apologized basically because everyone was already talking and truth be told I should have never said anything to her. In the whole time we were together I never even talk to any of his groupies because I have too much class for that ish. I was not in a relationship with any of those girls so normally they were irrelevant. But this one in particular irks my nerve to the fullest and there is a background story as to why. So remember Free who's best friend that had a fling with Body, yeah so that's the groupie I am talking about let's call her, Frenemy --- because I really don't have a name for her and that's all that comes to mind at this moment, and she is good friends with quite a few people in my family ironically.
Body claims that Frenemy is his best friend that is a girl. Okay. He says when he needs advice about us he goes to her. Okay. He claims nothing went on between them they are just friends. Okay.... So how is it that I find out through an argument we had that he actually tried to get with her before me and him even started dating and that he told her he loves her.
BUT WAIT..
I thought nothing ever happened. I thought they were just friends. Now to find out he loves the chick or loved the chick. WHATEVER.. Because of that she was always suspect to me. He was just as suspect to me too when it came to her. Anyway she moved away that is the only reason we survived but she comes back often and on a few occasions there were lies by omission involving her and him which made it even more suspect.
Anyway what was the point of all this again. *Scrolls up* So I apologized to her and didn't talk to Body for a good 2 - 3 months. It was hard to come to the realization that he didn't claim me. He didn't claim me. He didn't claim me. I spent weeks fixated on that which made me resent him. Not to brag or anything but I hold my own in the looks department (yes I said it - Suck my cockiness lick my persuasion) and my body is one to be envied thanks to the fact that I was highly involved in extracurriculars (track, basketball, soccer) through high school and college. Not to mention get many offers from very fuckable eligible bachelors wanting to get with me on a regular basis. Furthermore I already have a a college degree and I was soon to be done a university degree.. My future is set. Also I have a good paying job, I've got my own and don't rely on him to pay for
Anyways I unintentionally went celibate for those months.. The longest I've been that dry since becoming sexually active (lol tmi I know). After a while we got to talking and somehow got back together again but I was not the same. Different vibe, much less communication, the sex was unbelievably amazing though so we ignored the rest.
All this to say the day that it all went downhill was two weeks ago. I slept over at his house. He works early in the morning so when I stay over he lets me sleep in and I would just leave when I feel like it. Anyway as I was collecting my stuff I accidentally knocked over my pill bottle off his dresser (and I hoped I can describe this vividly enough so ya'll understand). He has a 6 drawer dresser in his room and he never closes the drawers properly. It usually annoys me to no end because it really is not that hard to close you dresser drawers and be neat in general. So I was picking up the pills off the floor and I thought some may have fallen through a crack in a drawer -- honestly I learned my lesson a long time about snooping though his shit and would never do it again (another story for another time) I just needed to get the pills it wasn't prescription I could just go and refill --. So I opened the drawer to be sure there weren't anymore and I saw some chicks panty, washcloth and tank top, and tooth brush. Basically this nigga had the nerve to give a trick a drawer. Fact is when I confronted him he says it belongs to his cousin. -___________-
I could get into the confrontation but basically he contradicted himself and backed himself into a corner. So I don't know what happened or who it belongs to but I am fairly certain what he told me about it belonging to his cousin is a lie. And the way I feel now I am pretty sure we are done. But yesterday and today he is annoying me to no end. Every time something happens and he knows it is his fault he has this tendency to be all up under my A$$. Asking me to chill, trying to take me out and trying to buy me shit. Like fall back n***a and leave me alone and let me get over it or take a hint and move on. This time he should be doing the latter because until I get the real story from him about what I saw in his drawer I will forever be annoyed with him and we will be stuck in this limbo. And yesterday he actually had the nerve to tell me I am wasting his time... lol I think he is in denial.
#thatsall
December 18, 2011
Introducing Body - Pt. 1
The first year of our relationship I was the one who was trifiling. I was not very experience and suddenly I was getting all this attention from men boys that I didn't know what to do. I wasn't a virgin or a prude but I had only fuck one guy and that was just to get over the whole virginity thing (that's another story for another time). While with Body I would let
So like I said one day it all caught up to me. During the summer Body and I had only been together maybe 7-8 months and I got pregnant. We used protection occasionally but recently had started relying on the pull out method more and more often (I was young and stupid don't even question it). I wasn't on the pill or any type of contraceptive, and we had both been tested so I was naive to believe it would never happen to me. I would never have an unplanned pregnancy that kind of thing only happened to hoodrats in my mind. However regardless of my thoughts we had already talk about that subject and I told him I would not be having kids until after I was done school and we seemed to be in agreement. So when I missed my period Body and I were not on speaking terms because of some silly argument we had. At first I didn't even think anything of it because I was irregular back then it was almost normal for me to go 6 weeks without having a period but when it came it came hard for like a week and a half. Anyway back to the story I wanted a reason to talk to Body so I called him and told him what was up -- at this point I didn't think I was pregnant but that reason to talk to him was better than apologizing for whatever our argument was about -- Our conversation went something like this:
Body: Hello... I'm at work, why are you calling?
Me: I'm late...
(long pause or it at least it felt like it)
Body: Did you take a test?
Me: No
Body: So take a test and call me back, *click, hangs up phone*
I remember it felt so so so good to hear his voice it had been almost a month since I had last heard it. Anyway I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive. I didn't believe it. I took a second test it came back with the same result. I still didn't believe it. The third test was the same. I went to the clinic now nervous because I was so confident that this would not happen to me, I would not get pregnant, but it was hard to ignore three test. Suffice to say the Doctor said the same thing. Anyway I didn't even call Body back right away, while at the clinic I had already scheduled the appointment for the abortion for the next week. Then I went home and cried myself to sleep for the whole weekend.
Body called me 3 days later I told him what it was he didn't even question me. I am sure he heard it in my voice how disappointed I was but he wanted to talk about what we were going to do. I headed over to his house and told him there was nothing to talk about. We had already had the conversation and agreed to have an abortion if it ever happened and I told him I had already scheduled it. He didn't say anything, he tried to console me as I really could not stop crying. We ended up having sex -- if you can call it that I was so tense and it was so uncomfortable, probably the worst sex we ever had.
Now that you have all that background. Throughout the whole process Body was very careful with me, attentive and supportive (made me subconsiously think maybe I should keep it -- ahh No). He picked me up in the morning in a taxi we went to the appointment he sat with me in the waiting room. Right before I went in to get it done asked me if I was sure about this I responded yeah of course. - - Honestly I don't even remember getting it done, I think I have blocked out that memory. - - When I came out I felt fine, I was a bit emotional but fine. Body was acting weird. He was standoff ish and didn't even look me in the face. I called his name and he ignored me. BUT WAIT WTF happened to the sensitive, supportive man I just spent the last week with??? I was able to leave right away since I wasn't showing any side effects so we left. As soon as we got outside Body just kept walking full on ignoring me and I just could not keep up. I hopped in a taxi and went home. I didn't even bother call him.
Anyway 4 weeks go by and I have yet to hear from him. I go to this party and I get wasted, like almost white girl wasted minus the vomit and bad dancing. I see this guy that I used to let take me out and we get to talking and we kissed, let's call him Felon - because back then he was sweet but now he is a felon (another story for another time). At the time it was just a kiss for me nothing special and I felt guilty because I still wanted Body even though he was missing in action and a complete douche bag for how he was acting towards me. At the same time having someone tell me how much they want me felt good too.
The next weekend was labour day weekend. I did not care to go out or do anything but there was this huge party going on and I knew that Body would be there. So I went with my sister, dressed to impress, and planned to ignore him the whole time. When I got there best believe I was on point -- nails done, hair done, everything did. Body was there with his crew looking like sex which made it hard for me to ignore him but I was able to do so as Felon was also there so I focus my attention on him to irk Body's nerve and it was obvious that he was bothered. But he didn't do or say anything. Anyway at the end of the night I am not the type to hang around a club. I like to get my people and hop in a taxi right away but I couldn't do this that night as Body decide to finally talk to me. He went on by saying how he was sorry and he missed me and had nerve to asked me what I was doing with Felon blah blah blah. There was no way in fucking hell my business would be exposed in public like that so I told him to call me the next day. He did.
We discussed all of our issues and why he acted the way he act. In short he thought that if I saw how supportive he was I would not go through with the abortion. Apparently he does not believe in them and only agreed to it to avoid the conversation. REAL MATURE? Anyway we got back together after a few weeks not that we ever really broke up. While we were working it out I still let Felon take me out and I never fully disclosed what happened with Felon. Body knew I kissed someone and I left it at that I did not see the need to name names. Plus Body and Felon already had this weird tension. They used to play basketball together and just did not get along. Of course they played it cool when they saw each other. But I didn't want to give Body a reason to really dislike Felon.
Fast forward a few months just before Christmas actually Felon main chick, let's call her Free -- because anyone and I truly mean anyone could take a ride for free (another story for another time) -- told Body about me and Felon not that there was anything to tell but she did find some pictures and made up some stories to go with it. Anyways Free and Body were friends. Well I wouldn't say friends but they knew each other and Body actually had a fling with her best friend (again another story for another time). Joke is though at this point I hadn't talk hung out with Felon for a while we still talked though. Anyway Body did not take it well and the fact that I hung out with other guys that he didn't know about came out so basically it was a messed up situation and we broke up because he could not handle it. Or I should say he chose not to believe I was only using these dudes and not fucking them. We still talked once in a while and we still fucked once in a while but it was no longer a relationship. More like a booty call. I was okay with that for the time being.
We discussed all of our issues and why he acted the way he act. In short he thought that if I saw how supportive he was I would not go through with the abortion. Apparently he does not believe in them and only agreed to it to avoid the conversation. REAL MATURE? Anyway we got back together after a few weeks not that we ever really broke up. While we were working it out I still let Felon take me out and I never fully disclosed what happened with Felon. Body knew I kissed someone and I left it at that I did not see the need to name names. Plus Body and Felon already had this weird tension. They used to play basketball together and just did not get along. Of course they played it cool when they saw each other. But I didn't want to give Body a reason to really dislike Felon.
Fast forward a few months just before Christmas actually Felon main chick, let's call her Free -- because anyone and I truly mean anyone could take a ride for free (another story for another time) -- told Body about me and Felon not that there was anything to tell but she did find some pictures and made up some stories to go with it. Anyways Free and Body were friends. Well I wouldn't say friends but they knew each other and Body actually had a fling with her best friend (again another story for another time). Joke is though at this point I hadn't talk hung out with Felon for a while we still talked though. Anyway Body did not take it well and the fact that I hung out with other guys that he didn't know about came out so basically it was a messed up situation and we broke up because he could not handle it. Or I should say he chose not to believe I was only using these dudes and not fucking them. We still talked once in a while and we still fucked once in a while but it was no longer a relationship. More like a booty call. I was okay with that for the time being.
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