Holiday Season

So I have been missing in action for a bit but its hard to stop and write about life when you are out living it. So here is an update:

-Things between Body and I are okay. I slipped up the day after Christmas and went by his place after a party. We did the nasty and he seems to think everything is all good now. BUT it isn't. We talk every 2 to 3 days but it is always about something that is rudimentary. 

-Christmas day was great. It was peaceful and quiet I spent it with my family. Helped cook Christmas dinner for the first time ever. I got quite a bit of gifts too this year which I really wasn't expecting but thankful for. I bought myself a television and had Body come and hang it on the wall for me a couple days back.

-New Years Eve was really fun. Went out with a couple (on my third wheel shit a lot lately -- I have come to realise that I don't know ANY truly single people -- everyone I know has a man or woman or a side ting) to a hotel party. It wasn't too bad because at the party I met a lot of people and it felt more like a group hang and not like I was intruding on their date. Anyway what really pissed me off is that me missed the countdown. Every year since I've been legal I go to a hotel party and we miss the countdown. I don't understand why its so hard to follow it. If you plan to host an NYE party why don't you have a watch, an alarm or something to remind you to start the countdown. Or even turn on the darn tv to Dick Clark Rocking NYE (or is it Ryan Secrest now), put it on mute and follow that. Anyway mini rant but yeah we missed the countdown. Honestly I don't like to tell people how to host their party... I think next year I'm going to have to host my own and do it right for a change. After midnight we headed to a club. It was a blessed night. I ran into some of my old friends that I haven't seen or spoken to in months. We partied it up all night.

-Otherwise since my last post I've been trying to relax seeing as I start class this week. Back to the madness and studying.

#thatsall

Another Body Post

I am kind of depressed. Actually not really just feel like something is missing or should I say someone - Body. I went to this Christmas dinner yesterday and practically everyone there was boo'd up. It wasn't awkward -- the couples weren't all making out and being overly affectionate or anything -- but it was obvious that it was meant to be a couple's affair. Of course I ignored it and tried to be as social as possible --which isn't my personality. I really don't like to be the center of attention. I rather play a supporting role. Growing up I was a very shy kid -- WHY? -- Probably because I hate looking stupid and being laughed at so I would never talk about anything I don't know. Which meant if the topic of conversation is not something I am not familiar with then you wouldn't even know I was there -- I wouldn't join and ask questions; I would just sit in silence and observe everyone else. I've gotten better with time but at heart I am still the shy kid. If Body was at the party he would have been the center of attention. He can talk for days to any type of person about any subject. Its one of the things that amazes me about him. I guess we are polar opposites in that respect. 

Speaking of Body for the last couple of days he has been up my a$$ constantly sending me texts. It felt kind of good because we talked about a whole bunch of stuff that we should have talked about over the last few months. At the same time I felt kind of annoyed because I still don't know whats going on -- or went on. I could assume I am right and that he was cheating but I rather not ASSUME. Besides I know Body probably better than he knows himself and I know he cannot hold a lie. Every single time I thought he was lying and finally excepted what he said as the truth he breaks down within the next week or two with some long drawn out confession as to why he lied. Thus far its only been about little stuff like him forgetting to purposely leaving out information on things he did,  where he was going or what not. Now its different. Now it seems like he was actually living a "double" life and I am not going to accept what he is saying as truth. Plus I know it is a lie because he tried to get me to go over to his place by saying (let me quote this dude) --- "If you wanna know the truth come here and i'll tell you the truth" SMFH. Maybe I am being dramatic but I have never been in this kind of situation before -- I don't know how to deal.

He wants to spend New Years Eve together. I told him I would think about it but I know I don't want to be ringing in the New Years with a fraud (harsh much -- hmm I don'y think so).  Anyway we will see but before I go I wanna wish everyone a Blessed and Merry Christmas.

#thatsall